My Happiness Habit: Hungry for Excellence

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I remember reading an anecdote years ago about women in London during the hard years of World War II. (I think it was in a book by Karen Mains, but I can't find it. I'm sorry.) In the midst of food rationing, sending their sons to fight and not knowing if they would ever see them again, nightly bombings, volunteering, and doing everything they could do to help the war effort, these women also reserved time to arrange flowers. They would gather once a week and make flower arrangements. It became a very high priority in their lives. Even bombings and news of tragic deaths were not allowed to interfere with the time set aside for flowers. They were starving, not for food, but for beauty. In the midst of so much pain, fear, ugliness and loss, gathering weekly to create something beautiful with flowers fed their souls' needs for the good.

I have always sensed that there is something inherently necessary about great music, visual art, poetry, dance, drama, stories... Such things are not usually deemed practical or useful, but great art supplies a fundamental human need. Our thirsty souls need to drink in things that are lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise.  My theory is that during our most difficult seasons of life, seasons when we are bombarded with disease, or tragedy, or painful relationships, seeking out the excellent and beautiful becomes imperative.

I am not in a particularly dark season, but I think I'll go now, turn on some George Winston, and read something by Emily Dickinson anyway. 

I would love to know what writer or musician or artist living or dead you turn to when you need a dose of something excellent. Perhaps your favorite will become my favorite too!

By the way, I tried to loosen the controls on posting comments on this blog. So, if you tried in the past to post a comment and weren't able to, please think about trying again. Thanks!

My Happiness Habit: Hunting for Food for Thought

In my elementary school cafeteria there was a poster that proclaimed "You are what you eat!" I stared at my standard issue lunch and pictured myself becoming what I ate. There was "pig in a blanket, Beth", me, stretched out helpless, swaddled in soggy bread dough. Then I pictured "soggy canned green bean Beth", green dread locks sticking out of my head at every possible angle. I shuddered. It was a very spooky poster.

"You are what you think about" could be closer to the truth.  Greasy junk food for the brain is easy to find.  The moment I flip on the news, a smorgasbord of deceitful, dishonorable, unjust and impure things to think about is laid out for me to chew on. Finding nutritious, healthy and delicious food for my thoughts is more of a hunt.

Hunting for something pure to think about drew me to memories of my childhood. My mom suffered from environmental allergies. She was allergic to plastic countertops and floors, car exhaust and smog, sugar, and chemicals in food, among other things. A dose of diesel tainted air would level her for days. Things that were not pure made her severely, physically, ill.

When I was about 3 years old my parents moved out of the city and built a home in the mountains where Mama could live far most of the toxins that made her sick. I grew up in an environment that was full of purity. The air was clean, the crystal water came directly from deep underground to our tap.

I remember blindingly beautiful clear winter mornings after a snow. The whole world sparkled like diamonds. Majestic 14,000 foot Mount Evans presided over the landscape like a king.  I would go outside on my way to catch the school bus, gasp as the icy air hit my lungs, spread my arms wide and spin around in a little dance of joy, as though I could capture the beauty and save it in my heart.

I think heaven will be like that. All the evil and the toxins in this dark world will be removed and we will breathe clean air for the first time. It will be pure delight.  

Philippians 4:8 says "whatever is pure...think about these things."

My Happiness Habit: Whatever is Just

Occasionally I run across a really good story; a story full of redemption, a surprise hero and things worth thinking about. Like most good stories this one starts with something bad.

A young woman named Jennifer Thompson was raped. She identified a man named Robert Cotton as her attacker. He was sentenced to life in prison.

A couple of years into the sentence, a man named Bobby Poole was housed in the same cell block as Robert Cotton. Poole began bragging that Cotton was doing time for him since he was Jennifer Thompson's true rapist. Cotton fashioned a knife intending to kill Poole. His dad encouraged him not to become a man who deserved to spend his life in prison. He told his son to put his faith in God instead.

Years later, DNA evidence in the case was examined using technology that didn't exist at the time of the original trial. It proved that the real rapist was Bobby Poole and not Robert Cotton. Cotton was released from jail after serving 11 years, and that's when the story gets really interesting.

Jennifer Thompson was in anguish over her own crime. Unintentionally she had stolen 11 years of an innocent man's life. She knew there was no way to give back those years, but she wanted to do what she could, so she arranged to meet Robert Cotton face to face.

They met in a church. She apologized and he forgave. They talked for hours about what had gone wrong. They talked about DNA and faith. Miraculously, they actually became friends. The man whose face had haunted Jennifer Thompson's nightmares for years, became her role model of forgiveness. She determined to forgive her real attacker.


15 more years have passed and Cotton and Thompson remain friends.

 "Ron just calls to make sure I'm doing OK," Thompson says.
 "He is an amazing human being. He has been a real good teacher for me."

Together they have written a book entitled,  Picking Cotton and they work together for reforms of eyewitness identification procedures.

It is a story that is just worth thinking about.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just...think about these things. Philippians 4: 8

I gathered information for this post from the following web sites.
http://truthinjustice.org/positive_id.htm
http://nersp.osg.ufl.edu/~malavet/evidence/notes/thompson_cotton.htm

My Happiness Habit: Something Honorable

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable...think about these things. Philippians 4:8

I have been searching the news for things that are worth thinking about.

While still trapped far underground, Lois Urzua, the 54 year old shift foreman of the San Jose Mine in Copiapa Chile, described the collapse that trapped him and his crew in the mine.

"It was frightening. We felt like the mountain was coming down on us, without knowing what happened. Thanks to God, we still hadn't gathered together to go out to have lunch. ... At 20 minutes before 2 (their usual lunch hour), the mountain came down on top of us."

Before the dust had even settled Urzua directed most of the men to huddle while he and three others scouted.
"For about four or five hours, we couldn't see a thing. After that we saw that we were trapped by an enormous rock that filled the entire passage of the tunnel."

After ascertaining the gravity of their situation, he began the difficult task of keeping his men alive. For the next 17 days, he limited each man to 2 spoonfuls of tuna fish and a half a glass of milk every 48 hours.

Luiz drew detailed maps, divided work, sleep and sanitary areas, and used the headlights of mining trucks to simulate sunlight. After a 6 inch hole was finally bored from the surface, he worked with experts outside the mine to keep his men healthy physically, and mentally. He kept the miners on their 12 hour shifts in order to do what they could from below to prepare for their rescue. More than 2 months after the collapse all 33 men were finally brought to the surface, alive. Luiz came up last. 

In my opinion the leadership this man showed in an apparently hopeless situation is worth thinking about.

(Information from guardian.co.uk, www.livescience.com, and the Associated Press.)

My Happiness Habit: What in the World is Truth?

Whatever is true...think on these things." Phil 4:8
I have been pursuing developing a habit of happiness.

Today I am planning to think more about Paul's assertion that our thought life makes a difference. He says we should choose to think about "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just..."

That got me thinking, if I am going to thing about things that are true, I need to be able to tell the difference between truth and lies.

Truth in Political Ads?
This morning I turned on the TV. I was immediately barraged by ads bashing the candidates running for office. The first ad was so damming that it made me wonder why this guy is running for congress instead of sitting in jail.  The next ad was praising the same guy, making him sound like he should be sainted next week. What is a voter to do? How am I supposed to know what is true?

Truth from the Mexican Police
The news story that came up next was related to the couple who was jet skiing on a lake on the Texas/Mexico border a couple of weeks ago. The husband was shot and killed. A few days ago the lead Mexican investigator announced that they had a couple of suspects, leaders of a drug cartel. The day after that, his bosses announced that contrary to the earlier announcement, there were no suspects. the leaders of the drug cartel had been cleared. A few days later that investigator showed up at an army base, at least his head did.  It was in a suitcase.  Suspicious.  What is the truth?

What is truth?
Philosophers debate truth.
Some people don't believe that anything is ultimately true.
How can I know what is true? 

In the middle of a different type of terrible situation, Jesus was being interrogated by a corrupt, self-serving, high government official. (Hmmm thousands of years pass, yet this seems as familiar as today's news.)

Jesus said, "For this purpose I have come into the world - to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice." (John 18:37)

Truth was pretty hard to find on the TV this morning.
If I want to think about the truth, I won't really find it on major news outlets. Once again everything comes around to Jesus. The only place I can find reliable truth is by listening to him.

My Happiness Habit: Uncensored

This happiness habit thing has not been as easy for me as I expected it to be. I characterize myself as a person who is generally happy. But as soon as I started to be intentional about developing a consistent habit of happiness, it seemed to elude my grasp, like trying to capture a bubble in my hand. 

Every time I get close to capturing happiness, some difficulty arises in my life and my fragile soap bubble seems to pop.  I am not giving up though.  Some habits are tougher to develop than others, I guess.

So far, I have thought about intentionally rejoicing in the Lord, recognizing that He is near, not allowing myself to be anxious, but praying about my fears instead.  These are all good things and I stand by them.

I am going to keep practicing until I get things right, but I have not arrived.   I am finding that most of the paths I trudge are simple to communicate, and much more difficult to walk.

Life is messy.  Even good seasons in life are messy.  During other seasons, the word painful doesn't even begin to cover it.  I don't want to sound like true Christians will never feel sad, discouraged or clinically depressed.  Actually, God acknowledges that at times we are going to feel crushed.  He promises to come live with us and bring us back to life (more on this in the next few days on my other blog, http://blogspot.doorinthewilderness.com ).  

During those times when happiness doesn't come easily, one more little key seems to be fighting to maintain perspective.

I tend to lose perspective.  When I am struggling I see only the trouble. I don't seem to be able to contain the joys and the sorrows at the same time.

The Psalms are good guides in this.  David repeatedly rails at his enemies, describes his desperate situation, and asks God to come to his defense.  He even prays that God will "break the teeth in their mouths" and "let them be like the snail that dissolves into slime" (Psalm 58).  And those are mild calls for vengeance! Some Psalms get much bloodier.  I find all the calls for divine violence oddly comforting.  Praying for God dissolve my enemies into slime is further than I am willing to go most of the time, except when I am really angry. I figure the fact that such talk is in holy scripture gives me permission to be real in my own prayers. I can honestly pour out my feelings to God uncensored. 

In almost every one of these Psalms, two other things happen also.  The writer remembers specific aspects of God's character and times that God has been faithful in the past.  He prays honest, emotion filled "dissolve into slime" prayers and then a few breaths later he brings himself back around to the things he knows to be true, and the faithfulness he has experienced in the past.

I love how realistic God is about us.  He knows that to 'rejoice always' is not easy.  He knows that we need to both lay everything out before Him, and force ourselves to remember who He is and what He has done for us. Maybe that is why Philippians 4:6 says that while we are passionately pouring out every anxiety to the Lord in prayer, we are to be mixing the requests with thanksgiving.

"prayer and supplication with thanksgiving"(Philippians 4:6)

"Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully." (1 Peter 5:7, AMP)

Attacked by the Fearings

The main character in Hannah Hurnard's classic allegory Hinds Feet on High Places is a little cripple named Much Afraid.   She is held captive by her relatives, the Fearings, and engaged to be married to Craven Fear against her will.  I relate to Much Afraid.  On her own, she is weak and vulnerable and always at the mercy of her fears.  Through the course of a long journey with Sorrow and Suffering for companions, she learns to trust the Shepherd.  He leads her away from the Fearings and toward the high places.

I think that those of us who are prone to fear tend to have a certain member of the Fearing family assigned to us.  The theme of my fears is usually the breaking of relationships.  According to Readers Digest I am in good company.  People in many parts of the world fear loneliness more than anything else.  Other people are plagued by different fears.  Some people fear that they are not good enough.  Other people fear poverty.  The Fearing family is very large.

It usually happens like this; I am working away in my own little world, happy and at peace.  Then, some discord happens.  It could be a disagreement with my husband or a feeling of distance between me and one of my children.  Somewhere at the other end of the house Craven Fear has climbed through a window and is creeping up behind me.  Suddenly I feel his icy fingers around my neck, choking me.  I can't breathe.  His gravelly voice growls threateningly in my ear.  "You are alone, and you are mine."

There it is.  That is the lie that gives Fear his power.  The second I choose to believe the lies that I am alone and at the mercy of Fear, I am lost.

But the truth is, I am not alone.  My Shepherd is with me, right beside me. "The Lord is at hand." Philippians 4:5. The truth is, I do not belong to fear. I have been purchased at a very high price by my Shepherd.  I belong to Him.

Sometimes when I first feel the icy breath of Fear on my neck, I close my ears to the lie in time.  I turn to my Shepherd and grab His hand.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7
   

My Happiness Habit: How to Avoid Being an Extreme, Raving, Self-centered Lunatic.

I have been thinking about developing a new habit lately.  Admittedly, most of my habits are accidental bad habits.  But, this time I am trying to grow a new, good habit.  I want to be a person who is deep down, on the inside, content.  I want to be someone whose joy can coexist with pain.

My guide is the apostle Paul.  In Philippians 4:4-8 he is closing his letter from a Roman prison with some quick advice.  The fact that Paul wrote this advice while sitting in a damp, stinky prison with rats for company makes me want to listen.  If Paul could be content there, surely I can be content in the midst of my everyday hassles.  Towards the beginning there is a sentence that seems out of place to me.  In my English Standard Version Bible it says, "Let your reasonableness be known to everyone." It is sandwiched between "Rejoice" and "the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious..."  If I was helping Paul edit his letter I would have suggested moving that phrase somewhere else.  What does reasonableness have to do with either rejoicing or anxiety? There must be some reason that it is stuck in this incongruous place.

What is "reasonableness" anyway? I am no Greek scholar, but I can navigate references so I looked it up.  The same word is translated, gentleness, unselfishness, and moderation.  Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, (in my mind I always think Strong's Exhausting Concordance...) says it means appropriate, and by implication, gentle, moderation and patient.  This is starting to make more sense.  Paul is saying don't be unreasonable, harsh, extreme, and impatient.   

I think another key is in the next phrase, "the Lord is at hand." 

The Message says, "Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!"

I am picturing the frightened cry of a small child who has had a bad dream.  The mother dashes in to soothe the child.  She wraps her arms around her.  "Don't worry, Mommy is right here."  Her presence soothes, comforts.  Nothing can frighten the child now.  She can be reasonable instead of afraid because she knows that her Mommy is able to vanquish all the monsters under the bed.

So, like that fearful child I can rejoice.  I can be reasonable and gentle and unselfish.  I can keep from overreacting.  The Lord is at hand.

My Happiness Habit

I want to grow into a person who is characterized by deep contentment, the habit of happiness.

I started last weekend by thinking through the command to "Rejoice ... always"  I decided to focus on the sunny side of things.  About 10 minutes into Friday evening I discovered that rejoicing always was not as easy for me as I thought it would be.  There were little bumps.  It was nothing major.  The kids argued.  My husband and I had slightly different ideas about the best ways to respond to them.  We were all a bit on edge.  I realized that I was not rejoicing.  I hated the turmoil, even though it was minor turmoil.  Ripples in the household put me in turmoil.  I longed to hide for a long time, all weekend even, in a quiet place with a good book and a lot of chocolate.  Clearly, I still have much to learn about contentment.

I have had happiness on my mind for a while now.  I picked up the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  The author decided that she wanted to be happier.  She studied research on what makes people happy and set herself ambitious goals to achieve happiness.  Each month she focused on a different aspect of happiness.  She rated her success and charted her progress.

I was intrigued, maybe she had discovered the keys to happiness.  Does having a clean closet really make a person happier?  I wouldn't know... A short way into the book I started to feel vaguely uncomfortable with its approach.  I realized that I could never follow Gretchen's lead.  For one thing I hate charts.  Her set-a-goal-and-measure-your-progress way of doing things simply doesn't fit me. Besides, being orderly and disciplined about happiness felt wrong somehow. Shouldn't happiness just bubble up from the inside? I knew there was more to my discomfort than personality differences between Gretchen Rubin and myself, but I wasn't sure what the problem was.  I picked up Walking with God by John Eldredge. Something John said triggered an "aha moment" for me.  I suddenly understood my discomfort with The Happiness Project .

You can't possibly master enough principles and disciplines to ensure that your life works out.  You weren't meant to, and God won't let you.  For he knows that if we succeed without him, we will be infinitely further from him.  We will come to believe terrible things about the universe--things like I can make it on my own and If only I try harder, I can succeed. That whole approach to life--trying to figure it out, beat the odds, get on top of your game--it is ...entirely without God.  He is nowhere in those considerations.  That sort of scrambling smacks more of the infamous folks who raised the tower of Babel than it does of those who walked with God in the garden in the cool of the day.  In the end, I'd much rather have God.

Gretchen tried to figure out how to make life work.  She came up with some useful tidbits. But no checklist, even a thoroughly researched checklist, could make a person content at the core.

However,  I don't want to give up.  I still want to be characterized by deep contentment, the habit of being happy.

I decided to go back to Philippians 4:4-9. 

One reason my "sunny side" approach didn't work was that I mentally deleted the key phrase from the passage.  "Rejoice in the Lord always." The fact that the waters of my life are not always as placid as I would like them to be is a gift.  That way I remember that, at root, I am rejoicing in the Lord, and not merely in the gifts he gives me, not even the tremendous gift of a beautiful family.  Sometimes I get things twisted around and I act like God's job is to make me happy. He wants me to be happy, but more than that He knows that what I really long for is love.  I long to experience God's love for me and love him back.  Nothing less than that will be a stable enough foundation.  Nothing less lasts.   

Peaches and Tea

I am sitting in my kitchen with the door open to the fresh morning air and perfect clear blue sky.  The aroma of freshly baked peach crisp is filling the house.  I am full of anticipation for this afternoon when my sister and niece will join my daughter and me for tea. Not tea as in a mug of Lipton, TEA as in small sandwiches and sweets and pot after pot of darjeeling served in china cups.

Years ago a woman told me that one thing she loved about her husband was that he had the "habit of happiness".  That phrase is etched in my brain forever.  I want to be a habitually happy person. I am going to have to be intentional about this.  Being happy is not always easy. 

Instead of thinking about the good and beautiful things, many times I focus on the difficult things.  Today, I could focus  on ongoing frustrations that soiled the atmosphere in our house for a time last evening.  I could focus the anger I felt after my naughty dog escaped out an open gate, and rebelliously looked me straight in the eye, while she ignored my demand that she come.  Many times there are much more significant heartaches robbing me of joy.

Today happens to be a good day to start developing the habit.  It is an ordinary day, a muddle of the wonderful, the awful, and lots of stuff that is neither.  A good starting point is reading Philippians 4:4-8.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.  The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

How will I start?  The same way I develop any good habit.  The process is pretty much the same each time.  At first, I try something deliberately, consciously.  It feels strange and awkward and uncomfortable.  If I keep at it, practicing at absolutely every opportunity, feeling ridiculous, the action gradually feels more comfortable.  Eventually, one day, I catch myself doing what used to seem so unnatural without even realizing it.  It has become a habit. 

I'm going to give developing the habit of happiness a shot. To begin, I am going to consciously choose to rejoice.  I'll let you know how it goes.