My Happiness Habit: Uncensored

This happiness habit thing has not been as easy for me as I expected it to be. I characterize myself as a person who is generally happy. But as soon as I started to be intentional about developing a consistent habit of happiness, it seemed to elude my grasp, like trying to capture a bubble in my hand. 

Every time I get close to capturing happiness, some difficulty arises in my life and my fragile soap bubble seems to pop.  I am not giving up though.  Some habits are tougher to develop than others, I guess.

So far, I have thought about intentionally rejoicing in the Lord, recognizing that He is near, not allowing myself to be anxious, but praying about my fears instead.  These are all good things and I stand by them.

I am going to keep practicing until I get things right, but I have not arrived.   I am finding that most of the paths I trudge are simple to communicate, and much more difficult to walk.

Life is messy.  Even good seasons in life are messy.  During other seasons, the word painful doesn't even begin to cover it.  I don't want to sound like true Christians will never feel sad, discouraged or clinically depressed.  Actually, God acknowledges that at times we are going to feel crushed.  He promises to come live with us and bring us back to life (more on this in the next few days on my other blog, http://blogspot.doorinthewilderness.com ).  

During those times when happiness doesn't come easily, one more little key seems to be fighting to maintain perspective.

I tend to lose perspective.  When I am struggling I see only the trouble. I don't seem to be able to contain the joys and the sorrows at the same time.

The Psalms are good guides in this.  David repeatedly rails at his enemies, describes his desperate situation, and asks God to come to his defense.  He even prays that God will "break the teeth in their mouths" and "let them be like the snail that dissolves into slime" (Psalm 58).  And those are mild calls for vengeance! Some Psalms get much bloodier.  I find all the calls for divine violence oddly comforting.  Praying for God dissolve my enemies into slime is further than I am willing to go most of the time, except when I am really angry. I figure the fact that such talk is in holy scripture gives me permission to be real in my own prayers. I can honestly pour out my feelings to God uncensored. 

In almost every one of these Psalms, two other things happen also.  The writer remembers specific aspects of God's character and times that God has been faithful in the past.  He prays honest, emotion filled "dissolve into slime" prayers and then a few breaths later he brings himself back around to the things he knows to be true, and the faithfulness he has experienced in the past.

I love how realistic God is about us.  He knows that to 'rejoice always' is not easy.  He knows that we need to both lay everything out before Him, and force ourselves to remember who He is and what He has done for us. Maybe that is why Philippians 4:6 says that while we are passionately pouring out every anxiety to the Lord in prayer, we are to be mixing the requests with thanksgiving.

"prayer and supplication with thanksgiving"(Philippians 4:6)

"Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully." (1 Peter 5:7, AMP)

Favorite Funny Signs II

The Care and Feeding of Teenage Boys

Last week I received an email from my youngest sister about the perils of raising a teenage boy.  I think she is insightful, and so far she has held onto her sense of humor.  I asked her if I could post it for you to read.

Dear Sisters,

I am aware that being the youngest came with certain perks. One is that I could learn from your lives, without having to actually do things myself.... Which brings me to the purpose for this letter.

Between you, you have successfully raised 6 boys.  They are wonderful young men that I am proud to call my nephews.  You have beyond succeeded in raising them.   I believe it was Connie who said, "successful parenting is when your children can pay for their own therapy".  I am now wondering who will pay for mine.

My dear baby boy has disappeared.  He does occasionally re-appear, but I do wonder if he is suddenly schizophrenic.  We have days of wonderful smiles and life is good, and then days where I am the enemy and I was wrong for getting out of bed in the morning.  

Lately things have been good. As I write, the music coming from his room is so loud that it rattles the air vents. Thankfully, it is a good song and he is playing his guitar, with it. This is how I justify both the loud music and the guitar lessons. The smell coming from his room is another story.

Today I went to Costco and loaded up on food. All of which I expect to either be in his room or in his stomach before the end of the week. Literally he needs to eat every 2-3 hours or we have blood sugar crashes that bring us right back to the part where I should stay in bed, unless I'd like to get up to feed him or take him somewhere. 

Please don't get me wrong. I love him dearly. I am proud of him. He gets good grades, tells us where he is and adores his dad, (Who unlike our Dad is not one to talk about things that are not tangible.  If it is a feeling, emotion of any sort, or a plan to be made, it is my department.) He doesn't lie to us (about important things)... I don't think.  All of these things are good, and normal.  I am hoping you can give me some advice on raising boys.  Since I am the youngest of 4 girls, I think I am out of my element with a teenage boy. 

Watching You Tube videos and texting are a part of his life that he believes is a part of  'doing homework'.    Maybe it is the homeschooler in me, but I just don't see how his grades stay high when he studies like that.   I am finding that he has very nice friends. I like them as much as one likes 13 and 14 year old boys. He is outside a lot, riding his bike.... without a seat... or a helmet...usually on one wheel. He doesn't believe shoe laces are to be tied, they are a fashion statement. He does have a hilarious sense of humor and often has us all rolling.  He goes to youth group, which can be good or bad. After all, they are all 13 year olds. I trust the leaders and like them, as does he. 

He loves a schedule and does well if we make sure he knows what is happening in his future. This is only fair, I understand. This need to schedule, however has translated lately into him telling me where I will be at what time and with what amount of money to give him. Is this a leadership skill?  Did I need to be led?  Should I clean his room for him? Do I REALLY want to know what is in there?

I do believe this will pass, and we will be fine. I also believe we are blessed and he will not be as difficult as many teens. Except with speed and engines he generally has good judgement. I'm learning to give him more space and less lecture. I am working to treat him with adult respect instead of the 'mom voice'.  I am always here for him to talk, but won't force him to.  Yet... he is 13, not 18 and not at all  as wise as he thinks he is. 

SO, I am hoping for the practical kind of advice, (feed him peanut butter and oatmeal 10 times a day)  or the encouraging kind of advice (.... I got nothin' that is why I am writing you) rather than the old lady helping advice ( oh dear, they grow up so fast, enjoy these days... Bleck )

I love you and cherish your advice and the encouragement in knowing you are all still sane, and have relationships with your grown boys.    Maybe you have ways to keep him from eating all the ice cream as well... Thank you!  

Love,

Nae

I think my sister is doing great in the tricky job of parenting a teenage boy. This letter brought back memories.  Thinking back, the memories fill my heart with warmth.  I think it is the same syndrome that causes mothers to relate horror stories of labor and delivery to pregnant women.  Somehow, looking back at it, the memories make you feel good even though at the time the pain made you want to die.

When my kids were newborns and couldn't do anything but eat and sleep and poop,  I knew all about how to parent well. I freely dispensed advice. Over the years, I broke all of my own rules and today I know much, much less about what works in parenting than I did before I tried it for myself. Since I was blessed by easy kids to raise, I still have a couple of little pieces of advice left to give.  If I work up the courage to post that advice I will have to do it very soon because because I have two step-kids approaching teen years and by the time they reach their 18th birthdays my last few little things I think I know about parenting will have evaporated too. 

If you, dear reader, still have advice to give or would like to commiserate feel free to comment!