Kisses from God

A twelfth century monk is an unlikely choice for a tutor on kisses.  This morning I sat down with Bernard of Clairvaux, and he taught me about kisses. 

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!"

Is it a quote from a romance novel or a steamy chick flick?  It definitely doesn't seem like what it is, a Bible verse.  

I do love kisses.  My favorite thing in the whole world is for my husband to hold me tight and kiss me tenderly, passionately, intimately.  During my many years as a single mom I wanted so much to be loved, to be kissed by a man, that I ached, literally, physically.

So, when Bernard talks about longing for kisses from God, he definitely has my attention.   I know all about longing for kisses.  But, do I ache for kisses from God?  Maybe part of the problem is that I can't quite imagine God desiring me.  I can imagine "Jesus loves me"  in a Sunday-school-sing-songy kind of way.  But, God wanting to kiss me?  That sounds too intimate.  Can I imagine God himself bending down, filled with love for little Beth, wanting to kiss me?  It feels wrong, like blasphemy somehow.  But if it is in the Bible, and saints from millennia past thought of relationship with God in terms of kisses,  maybe it is OK.  Maybe more than that, maybe I am missing out on something really good.  

His living and effective word is a kiss; not a meeting of the lips, which can sometimes be deceptive about the state of the heart but a full infusion of joys, a revelation of secrets, a wonderful and inseparable mingling of the light from above and the mind on which it is shed, which, when it is joined with God, is one spirit with him.   -Bernard of Clairvaux

That is a kiss I want to experience, over and over forever!
During those years when I wanted so much to be loved, I felt bad about it, like there was something wrong with me.  I wondered why I couldn't be content.   Now, I don't think I wanted too much.  Actually, I think I settle for too little.

Listen to what else Bernard told me this morning, "I can scarcely contain my tears, so ashamed am I of the lukewarmness and lethargy of the present times."  I don't know too much about Bernard's times, but I can hardly imagine that they could possibly have been more lukewarm and lethargic than we are in our times. 

So, I feel a free and powerful longing to be kissed by God welling up inside me.    Bernard takes things a step further even, getting almost sexual in his description,

O happy kiss...which is not a mere meeting of lips, but the union of God with man.  The touch of lips signifies the bringing together of souls.  But this conjoining of natures unites the human with the divine and makes peace between earth and heaven. 'For he himself is our peace, who made the two one' (Eph. 2:14)  This was the kiss for which the holy men of old longed, the more so because they foresaw the joy and exultation of finding their treasure in him and discovering all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge in him, and they longed to receive of his fullness.

I want to know God that way, tenderly, intimately, passionately.  I say with the Song of Songs "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!"    I want my human soul to be united with God; I want to find my treasure in him. I want to receive his fullness.

 

Of Slaves, Mercenaries, and Daughters

There are some who praise God for his power, some who praise him for his goodness to them, and some who praise him simply because he is good.  The first is a slave, fearful on his own account.  The second is a mercenary and desires profit for himself.  The third is a son who honors his father.  Both he who is fearful and he who is greedy act for themselves.  Only he who loves like a son does not seek his own.   -Bernard of Clairvaux 

We modern people assume that we have come far.  We can access the internet on our cell phones.  Isn't that proof enough that we are an advanced civilization?  But Bernard's words centuries ago describe my prayers pretty well.  Sometimes I am self centered.  I act like a fearful slave who loves God for his power, or a mercenary who loves God because of what I want Him to do for me. I don't want to be that way though.  I want to love God like a daughter, just because He is my father.    

I am so glad that He is a gentle father.  Each day he is uses joy and pain and His words and my sisters and brothers and the sunset and the taste of fresh peaches to show me who he is.  And when I see, really see, I can't help but love Him just for Him.  In those times, my prayers are not full of fear and greed.  I forget myself for a moment, curl up close to him, throw my little arms around his neck, and exclaim "Abba!  I love you!"  In those times, I only want to stay there, close to Him.